ProfileofanAbuseVictim
Profile of an Abuse Victim
Working with the Fina Bella Group & in association with
The Fina Bella Corporate Domestic Violence Program
Characteristics of a Victim:
1.Depending on the level of abuse, victim will perhaps want to be alone for a period of time, or feels socially isolated,
lonely & afraid of losing people. If just out of an abusive relationship, can relapse quickly or compensate by
assuming friendships before there is a basis for a friendship. Because victims are often in a “needy” stage, they can
over compensates on the friendship level and how the friend should view the role. Victim does not consider the
dynamics of a friendship or the friends life style and what their definition of friendship is. The victim views
friendship in a time, frequency, content approach, giving little thought of the possible differences in the definition.
Female victims will tend to gravitate toward male friendships (partially because their abuser is usually male) with
few female friends. Other females will be considered competition for male attention and also because of their abuse
situation, the victim will feel inferior to “normal” women (women who have never had an abusive relationship
have difficulties relating) and be unable to relate. The sexual tension between the sexes is part of the dynamics
(male/female) and glue, with the father figure in some form often present.
2.Feels guilty. Blames self for beatings or emotional abuse. Has to be something wrong with them or something they
have said or done.
3.Accepts responsibility for the abusers behavior. Will do anything to keep the relationship going. There is always
the element that the victim can change the abuser and make him/her a non abuser through patience,love and time.
4.Is more difficult for a victim if the father was cold and especially if living in the same house was critical of, non
responsive emotionally to, and physically there, but generally absent as a caring father. This is particularity
damaging to daughters.
5.Feels she/he has no power or control and automatically responds to abuser. If away from an abuser, will be self
absorbed (self centered) and over compensates by texting, Emailing, owning the latest multi functional Hi Tech
equipment that allows them to be available to friends at a moments notice to still feel “connected”.
6.Feels ambivalent and confused. The thought process is disjointed. Has trouble making decisions, thinking out
situations, understanding the mechanics behind abuse, thinks the abuser will change when in reality, the abuser
will never change and will always manipulate if allowed to. Because of that, they can be self destructive in allowing
the abuser to control them, even from a distance.
7.Feels embarrassed about admitting she/he is being beaten or that she/he has remained in the violent
relationship. Tends to know right from wrong but is unable to take the necessary steps (doesn't have the tools) to
correct the situation. There is self doubt, but the abuser may have also removed the financial capabilities to make
change happen.
8.Have low self-esteem. Often believes she/he cannot survive independently. Sometimes a combination of
dependence/independence will occur by using friends and friendship as a crutch with a good possibility of the victim
eventually returning to the abuser.
9.Believes the myths about battering/abuse. Give the abuser another chance. This time he/she will change and
everything will be better.
10.Denys his/her anger over the abuse, but may blow up over minor irritations or cannot place blame on abuser's
(negative) behavior. Somehow it is still the victims fault.
11.Often feels depressed and/or fearful. If the abuser has done a complete “treatment”, the victim cannot think or
plan for themselves without the approval of the abuser. Fear is a natural outcome because they have essentially
become a puppet with the puppeteer pulling the strings.
12.Believes in traditional, stereotypical sex-roles. The abuser is to be pleased. “I
will do anything he/she wants me to and my pleasure is secondary, if I'm lucky”.
13.When feeling independent, or wanting to show their independence, will put the needs and feelings of other
family members/friends far above own needs. Will try to give advice to others. Will often seek out and involve
themselves in causes to help others even though in both cases they are lest able to because they can not fix their
own lives without therapy. Fears losing family and friends. Other than what has been mentioned, it is also because
the victim sub - conscientiously knows that they will emotionally drain anyone who is around them for any length
of time. This is because they will always be negative in their views, and repetitious on what they have been exposed
to. There is also a tendency to argue, demand to be heard, and not to listen to reason. They are right, have all the
answers and does not want to hear an opposing opinion. Strives to be looked upon as a non abused person that has
advanced further in their recovery than they actually have.
14.Has a feeling of helplessness and lack of alternatives. Feels trapped but does
not have the tools available to make change happen. Is hyper sensitive to
change in the first place and with the associated fears of the unknown.
15.Experiences stress reactions with psycho-physiological complications that may include:
16.Fatigue.
17.Backaches.
18.Headaches.
19.Stomachaches.
20.Inability to sleep.
21.Compulsive behavior & financial mismanagement. Time & frequency of an action is very important. Difficulty
in holding a job and spending too much money on non essential items. Non payment or delaying payments on bills
and money owed.
22.Projects sexually and a “body beautiful” as a way to be accepted because they often lack the social skills to attract
someone. Can tend to lean toward self victimization in this area and can aid a potential abuser by presenting
themselves (unknowingly) as just a sexual object rather than a whole person. Sexually very “macaroni & cheese”.
Straight to the act with a “fast & furious” approach. Females in particular may be bi-sexual or bi- curious and/or
accept the abusers demand to degrade themselves and play out multi partner sex games/swapping, etc for the sole
purpose of the abusers entertainment.
23.Needs to be reassured that they are physically pretty/handsome. A woman will exhibit more “skin” and wants to
be “eye candy” to others by (as an example) wearing a T shirt a size or two smaller with provocative sayings on it.
Will compete more aggressively (or become very silent and sulky) when other women are present. Will show much
more interest in being complemented for their looks rather than for their intelligence and what they know about a
subject/topic.
24.Poor eating habits and weight gain/loss. Can develop eating disorders. Because there is an emphasis on how they
look, they may eat only a little food and often it will be in the “fast food” category with little nutritional value.
25.Worries about what they say or write or have other fixations and compulsive behavioral. Concerned about what
others may think of them and if they are doing/saying the right thing. Will “double think” themselves and agonize
over their actions.
26.Can become self absorbed when the controller is not around. Because they have become a “follower” rather than
a “leader” in their personal journey, they sometimes have difficulty focusing on the day to day tasks of life and the
needs of others. Can to some extent “abuse” others emotions/time and feelings because of “navel gazing”.
27.Exhibits body language that shows lack of self assurance. Will appear weak and indecisive. Anxious, nervous,
bent forward, wants others to acknowledge them and their “good looks”, glances around a lot to see if they are
receiving attention, fidgety when sitting, walks quickly but with short steps, hesitates and seemingly at times go in
a questionable direction or when choosing a destination point.
28.After leaving an abusive relationship, without therapy, they will often seek the same choice in a new partner.
Because they are into looks, they will also seek a partner that is handsome/pretty and less for who that person is
and what makes the other person tick. If they find someone “nice” (a non abuser) they will reject that person as not
their type (you're to good to/for me) and/or the chemistry/looks are not there.
29.May turn to alcohol, drugs or other “comfort food” items to temperately escape their situation. By depending on
a substance, this can further intensify their programing by the abuser and add another tool for the abuser to get
his/her way.
30.Victims of domestic violence may suffer from a variety of physical as well as
psychological injuries. Below are indicators of domestic violence:
-Frequent visits to doctor's office.
-Multiple sites of injury.
-Gastrointestinal problems.
-Eating disorders.
-Psychological distress:
-Depression.
-Lives in negativity and talks about their issues but does not take steps to resolve them. No or very little ability to
follow through. Wants only to hear about the positives of life from other people. Tends to live in a type of fantasy
world where everything is suppose to be perfect for them in the future with no possibility for future negative
situations that will require their attention nor abilities to resolve.
-Suicidal ideation.
-Anxiety.
-Believes that they are the only ones in this situation and no one else can feel
their distress or understand their situation with no possible chance that
someone else has experienced the depth of their abuse.
-Evidence of sexual assault.
-Worries about catching a STD but can be irresponsible in their choice of
partners and practicing safe sex.
-Indication of injury to breast or abdominal area of pregnant female.
Once the victim leaves an abuser, it is important that they seek out therapy ASAP and live in a structured
environment. They are for the most part, completely unable to handle themselves and will drift and relapse
quickly. In many respects, their view of the world is the flip side of what a non abused person hears, sees and
comprehends.
All rights Reserved 2008
The Fina Bella Group
"We've chosen the path to equality, don't let them turn us around".
-- Geraldine Ferraro
Fina Bella
"We Can Do It ........... Together"
"Nous Pouvons Le Faire ........ Ensemble"
“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing”
-Helen Keller-
“Life Is A Journey, Not A Destination"
-Helen Keller-
“Life Is A Journey, Not A Destination"
www.finabella.net (Main site)
www.finabella.ca (The Fina Bella Coalition Against Domestic Violence)
http://www.facebook.com/fina.bella
The Fina Bella Group
www.finabella.ca (The Fina Bella Coalition Against Domestic Violence)
http://www.facebook.com/fina.bella
The Fina Bella Group
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Reasons for a Company to Incorporate The Fina Bella
Corporate Domestic Violence Program into their Employee
Benefit Package or as a Stand Alone Plan
Working with The Fina Bella Group & in association with
The Fina Bella Corporate Domestic Violence Program
- Lower absenteeism and lateness with corresponding increased productivity.
- A more focused, less tense, more relaxed and attentive employee.
- Employees in general and specifically women will appreciate the positive gesture and respond with increased
loyalty & productivity.
- Decrease in employee turn over and costs for training new employees.
- By having this additional benefit, the company will have an edge in attracting employees on a referral basis and
also externally qualified personnel because of the program.
- Lower cost/fees for employee medical benefits, Work Mens Compensation, short/long term disability, salary (sick
leave dispersement), legal liability (possible lawsuits) , insurance (premiums/claims) and other related costs/fees.
- More secure work place. Because the abuse victims identify themselves, there is a description of the abuser(s), and
security has better control over any possible danger to the victim, other employees and company property.
- Increased company revenues and profits because of more productive employees
- Greater market share will result. Clients and prospective clients will appreciate and respond positively to the
company by preferring to purchase more product and less from a competitor with out the program.
- Secure employees produce more and there is an enhanced feeling of team work in the work place.
- Excellent PR for the company and a positive selling tool when directed toward the market place and the customer
or potential customer.
All rights Reserved 2008
The Fina Bella Group
Corporate Domestic Violence Program into their Employee
Benefit Package or as a Stand Alone Plan
Working with The Fina Bella Group & in association with
The Fina Bella Corporate Domestic Violence Program
- Lower absenteeism and lateness with corresponding increased productivity.
- A more focused, less tense, more relaxed and attentive employee.
- Employees in general and specifically women will appreciate the positive gesture and respond with increased
loyalty & productivity.
- Decrease in employee turn over and costs for training new employees.
- By having this additional benefit, the company will have an edge in attracting employees on a referral basis and
also externally qualified personnel because of the program.
- Lower cost/fees for employee medical benefits, Work Mens Compensation, short/long term disability, salary (sick
leave dispersement), legal liability (possible lawsuits) , insurance (premiums/claims) and other related costs/fees.
- More secure work place. Because the abuse victims identify themselves, there is a description of the abuser(s), and
security has better control over any possible danger to the victim, other employees and company property.
- Increased company revenues and profits because of more productive employees
- Greater market share will result. Clients and prospective clients will appreciate and respond positively to the
company by preferring to purchase more product and less from a competitor with out the program.
- Secure employees produce more and there is an enhanced feeling of team work in the work place.
- Excellent PR for the company and a positive selling tool when directed toward the market place and the customer
or potential customer.
All rights Reserved 2008
The Fina Bella Group