12Steps
The Twelve Steps to Recovery
Working with the Fina Bella Group & in association with
The Fina Bella Corporate Domestic Violence Program
1) I admit that I have lost the ability to control my life and someone is controlling and mistreating me. Therefore, I
must decide to immediately leave this negative environment which I am now living in. This change will not be easy
for me, but I must do this to regain my life, soul and who I am.
2) Even though I am afraid, I believe that if I do not quickly move forward and seek help, my emotional well being,
health, safety and possibly my life (and that of my children's or people I care for) is in imminent danger.
3) I am ready to embrace my support group and The Fina Bella Corporate Domestic Violence Program. I will let this
support group who care about me and how I'm treated, help me make the right decisions to leave behind those who
want to control, hurt and use me.
4) I adamantly want to take back control of my life and also stop the circle of violence I am experiencing. I realize
that what I am experiencing is not what is considered a normal healthy life.
5) I admit to myself, to a supreme being (in whatever form I view her/him) and to someone I trust, that I am
isolated, lonely, afraid, guilty, weak, ashamed, tired, lack self esteem and at a low point in my life. I have come to
the realization that now is the time for me to take a leap of faith and seek positive change.
6) I am now ready to begin my journey to regain control of my life. I will contact my HR Agent responsible for The
Fina Bella Corporate Domestic Violence Program so they can introduce me to the program and the external partners
to begin the healing process.
7) I will ask the supreme being (in whatever form I view her/him) to give me the strength to continue on my positive
journey and help me keep focusing on the right path.
8) I will make a written list of those persons who have hurt me, admit to myself what they have done to me,
understand that it was their fault not mine and then I will forgive them and unburden myself of this baggage.
9) I will stand in front of my demon(s) and tell him/her that they can't control me any longer and that chapter in
my life is closed forever and I am now my own person and at peace. I will not do this if it puts my life in danger.
10) I will continue to look forward to the future and never relapse into the past again.
11) I pray that I will continue to be strong, to never regress in my positive new found life style and only improve and
rejoice with each passing day of freedom.
12) I am proud of myself because I have regained control of my life. When & where I can, I will carry this message to
others in a like situation and show them by example how to regain their life. I will also practice what I preach in my
own life. I am joining The Fina Bella Coalition Against Domestic Violence to meet good and caring people and help
give support to the cause as well as help others who are in an abusive relationship.
Working with the Fina Bella Group & in association with
The Fina Bella Corporate Domestic Violence Program
1) I admit that I have lost the ability to control my life and someone is controlling and mistreating me. Therefore, I
must decide to immediately leave this negative environment which I am now living in. This change will not be easy
for me, but I must do this to regain my life, soul and who I am.
2) Even though I am afraid, I believe that if I do not quickly move forward and seek help, my emotional well being,
health, safety and possibly my life (and that of my children's or people I care for) is in imminent danger.
3) I am ready to embrace my support group and The Fina Bella Corporate Domestic Violence Program. I will let this
support group who care about me and how I'm treated, help me make the right decisions to leave behind those who
want to control, hurt and use me.
4) I adamantly want to take back control of my life and also stop the circle of violence I am experiencing. I realize
that what I am experiencing is not what is considered a normal healthy life.
5) I admit to myself, to a supreme being (in whatever form I view her/him) and to someone I trust, that I am
isolated, lonely, afraid, guilty, weak, ashamed, tired, lack self esteem and at a low point in my life. I have come to
the realization that now is the time for me to take a leap of faith and seek positive change.
6) I am now ready to begin my journey to regain control of my life. I will contact my HR Agent responsible for The
Fina Bella Corporate Domestic Violence Program so they can introduce me to the program and the external partners
to begin the healing process.
7) I will ask the supreme being (in whatever form I view her/him) to give me the strength to continue on my positive
journey and help me keep focusing on the right path.
8) I will make a written list of those persons who have hurt me, admit to myself what they have done to me,
understand that it was their fault not mine and then I will forgive them and unburden myself of this baggage.
9) I will stand in front of my demon(s) and tell him/her that they can't control me any longer and that chapter in
my life is closed forever and I am now my own person and at peace. I will not do this if it puts my life in danger.
10) I will continue to look forward to the future and never relapse into the past again.
11) I pray that I will continue to be strong, to never regress in my positive new found life style and only improve and
rejoice with each passing day of freedom.
12) I am proud of myself because I have regained control of my life. When & where I can, I will carry this message to
others in a like situation and show them by example how to regain their life. I will also practice what I preach in my
own life. I am joining The Fina Bella Coalition Against Domestic Violence to meet good and caring people and help
give support to the cause as well as help others who are in an abusive relationship.
Fina Bella
"We Can Do It ........... Together"
"Nous Pouvons Le Faire ........ Ensemble"
"We Can Do It ........... Together"
"Nous Pouvons Le Faire ........ Ensemble"
“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing”
-Helen Keller-
“Life Is A Journey, Not A Destination"
-Helen Keller-
“Life Is A Journey, Not A Destination"
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www.finabella.net (Main site)
www.finabella.ca (The Fina Bella Coalition Against Domestic Violence)
http://www.facebook.com/fina.bella
The Fina Bella Group
www.finabella.ca (The Fina Bella Coalition Against Domestic Violence)
http://www.facebook.com/fina.bella
The Fina Bella Group
An Over View of Domestic Violence
Working with the Fina Bella Group & in association with
The Fina Bella Corporate Domestic Violence Program
Domestic violence is not a new issue. and is still affecting women, men, children, families and their future in 2009.
If the victim/abuser is working, it will affect the revenues, profits and possible security of the company they work
for. Unfortunately, this year and for the foreseeable future, it is possible that we will see a spike in incidents of
Domestic Violence because of a negative economy. As working members of a family start to lose their jobs, stay at
home abusers will have the opportunity to further exert their control, abuse and cruelty.
On the surface, there is no definitive profile of the type of person or family that is affected. Nor does the abuser
show that he/she is an abuser. All is usually well hidden. This issue is prevalent across all socio - economic levels.
Why in 2009 it still exists is a mystery and the reasons are as allusive as the definitive definition of “what is the
meaning of love”? Domestic Violence has no love attached to it. The abuser has an all consuming need to totally
control the life of another person by whatever means he/she may deem necessary. This will eventually destroy the
victim. With our advanced technology, we have progressively improved most areas of our lives. But Domestic
Violence, even though politically incorrect and wrong, is still alive and well and hasn't changed since the beginning
of time. If anything, maybe because of technology, it has intensified and the abuser has gained more of a foothold
and greater borders because of it.
The majority of abusers are males (97%) and projects his control on females, children and may show a tendency to
over control in an office environment. In a minority of cases (3%), the abuser is a female. All generally come from
an abusive childhood and dysfunctional family. Without therapy, these individuals will continue to abuse. There is
a circle of abuse that occurs for generations in some families like a macabre tradition. To have some understanding
of Domestic Violence, it is important to realize the many layers that exists within the subject of abuse. The
following are examples:
Emotional/psychological
Verbal
Physical
Sexual
Financial
It is not unusual for an abuser to combine more than one or perhaps all of these layers over time. The extent of
abuse can lead to threats of suicide and even the death of the victim as was unfortunately the case 15 years ago in
the Nicole Brown Simpson's (ex football player, actor O.J. Simpson's ex wife) death. Sometimes it can be dangerous
to be around the abuser and if in a work place setting, death and injury to fellow workers can occur. Each level of
abuse is devastating to the victim. To visualize, it is like walking into quick sand and over a period of time sinking
deeper until it totally engulfs you. That is why when the layers are combined, the control is so severe, the victim
becomes a hollow shell. The person that she/he was, ceases to exist.
It is easy for others to say to an abused individual that they should leave the relationship, or they should never
have gotten into this type of situation in the first place. Yes, easy to say, but unfair and cruel. Abusers appear in
the beginning to be the”nice guy” or “perfect boyfriend/girlfriend”. They take time to pick their victims and then
to find the emotional cracks in the victims armor to leverage. Once they find the pathway (like an invading virus),
it is progressive programing by the abuser that creates a steady downward spiral for the victim involved. Except for
an occasional exception, all abuse victims have the tendency to show the same signs of emotional, psychological,
physical and verbal tell tale signs of abuse. To the abused individual, it becomes a way of life. To the abuser it is
success. To an abuser on the scent of a victim, it is the beginning of a voyage to get their way. Similar to a Shark
following a trail of blood and watching the victim getting progressively weaker, perhaps nudging them to see if the
intended victim is softened up enough before finally striking, seizing and then devouring it's prey.
Those who are not on the “dark side”, can not rationalize nor relate to this issue. However, this plague in all it's
forms, has become a huge destructive factor for women, children, abusers, families and businesses today. Statistics
indicate that 33% of women have experienced an abusive event at least once in their lifetime. As we read this
document, 20-25% of North American women are currently in an abusive relationship. If children are present, 60-
70% will also be abused. These figures are disturbing. Also very disturbing is the realization that children in this
type of relationship are predisposed to violence and could or will carry on the cycle of abuse into the next
generation and if not treated, their children's lives and their children's children lives. It is also acknowledged,
unfortunately too often these days, that the abuser can not only be dangerous to their intimate partner and
immediate family, but also to others inside the extended family or to strangers in the wrong place at the wrong
time. Depending on how the abuser can control their emotions and rage, which at best can be very unpredictable,
he/she can swing from being solicitous to extremely aggressive up to and including the point of killing. The line
from one extreme to the other is very thin and blurred. The abuser is a time bomb waiting to explode.
Fina Bella has decided to be proactive on this issue and launch a program (The Fina Bella Corporate Domestic
Violence Program) to assist victims, create awareness and to also address all elements of the Domestic Violence
issue. To successfully do this, will require the cooperation of companies and strategic external partners so that we
may collectively as a team, begin to break the cycle of abuse and start on a healing/rehabilitating path that will be
proactive in helping all involved.
Please join with us in making Domestic Violence an issue of the past. We want as quickly as possible for it to take it's
place in history where it belongs and for it to join with other antiquated subjects, issues and cruelties that men &
women no longer commit.
Just a closing thought. The first world nations have often criticize 2nd & 3rd world nations for disrespecting
human rights. Why is it then, these same first world nations are doing so little to stop domestic violence in their
own counties? Should we not clean up our own back yards first and show others by example? Is it not correct that
domestic violence is a violation of the most fundamental of human rights??
All rights reserved 2008
The Fina Bella Group